£1.20

£1.20


Pay As You Get Ripped Off


This blog is for everyone who has ever been just about to eat a piece of food and the second before you put it in your mouth, it falls on the floor. This blog is for everybody who has been walking around their home and has suddenly banged their toe, banged it so hard that you want to cry. You really want to cry. This blog is for everybody who has seen somebody they know from a far and waved at them, you think they have seen you, you’re pretty sure... they don’t wave back. This blog is for anybody who has two lungs. But this blog is for especially for anyone who has ever run for the bus; the bus driver can see you running, he senses your commitment, but for some reason unknown to any person who isn’t a jackass they drive off.


Do they get paid more money if they do this? Is there a weekly bonus for the most inconsiderate bus driver? These all remain ramblings. What we are gathered here to speak about today is a figure, £1.20, which in regards to this note represents TFL’s twenty percent increase in the oyster card pay as you go bus fare. £1.80, there’s another one for you. Just threw it in there. This is the 12.5 percent increase in the oyster card users’ single tube fare.


Hot tamale! That sounds a bit outrageous doesn’t it! I’m going to be honest, I heard something about a recession on the news the other day and as far as I’m aware the cost of living isn’t getting any cheaper, pay isn’t generally on the increase. So why the 20 percent hey Mr.SpeedofandleavemestandingtherelookingprettystupidsoIjuststart stretchingouttopretendIwasn’trunningforthebus?


Don’t you dare answer inflation! Don’t you dare!


Does my bus get to its destination 20 percent faster? Does it have 20 percent less hoodlums playing Tinchy Strider’s new hood anthem? Does it make me wait for 20 percent less time in the snow? Has it even been 20 percent more effective at coping with the snow? Do the buses stop to change drivers for 20 percent less time? Do the buses have 20 percent less chicken bones on the floor? Does it do anything new at all that even remotely warrants a 20 percent increase in the fare that I pay for the service? No. No it does not. You just ripped me off didn’t you? You just sold me some Taste The Difference cake, I got home, I opened it, and it was basics. It wasn’t even basics; it was full, and it wasn’t on time, and the people smelled, and everybody stepped on my shoes, and all I could hear was ‘are you gonna bang doe!’ Playing from Catherine Tate’s phone in the background for half an hour.


You just ripped me off.


Applying this same rationale to the tube you can still never use the Victoria, District and Circle or Metropolitan lines on the weekend and absolutely nobody I’ve seen in 2010 has been 12.5 percent less cold.


So where does this leave me? The working man. Just trying to get some money to feed my wife and kids. What about me? What do I get.


I’ll tell you what I get. Cross rail. Wohoooo! Sound the bells. Call up your mother and tell her the good news. Jump in to a bath tub full of jelly and let the good times roll. If I live in Essex, (which I don’t) I can in 10 years time (it’s going to be late) get in to London using the tube. Let me just tell you now by the time they finish Cross rail teleportation will be old news.


Yesssss. That is awesome but there is only one problem I DONT LIVE IN ESSEX AND I DON’T WANT TO WAIT ANOTHER 10 YEARS FOR ANOTHER SERVICE BORIS JOHNSON SO YOU TAKE YOUR DEFICIT AND STICK IT UP YOUR 20 PERCENT WHICH I HOPE IS 20 PERCENT WIDER AS IT WILL NEED TO BE TO FIT THE AMOUNT OF CRAP YOU HAVE JUST DISHED EVERYBODY WHO LIVES IN LONDON.


You messed up.


You need to stop doing what you’re doing.


You were doing so well man. No major mistakes. Yeah everybody had their doubts. Even David Cameron looked a bit worried. But you were doing pretty well. But then you go and do that. You charge me first class fares to sit with the baggage.


Stop it now you silly little man.